I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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