wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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