I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
