I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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