I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
