I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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