It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
