Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
