Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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