What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
