Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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