nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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