My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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