Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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