i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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