she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
