In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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