My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
