just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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