I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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