What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
