next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
