The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
