yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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