Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
