i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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