I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
