My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
