I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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