I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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