i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
