tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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