3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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