Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
