Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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