A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
