All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
