A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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