dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
