Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
