I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
