One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
