my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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