yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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