70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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