he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
