I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
