so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
