i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
