this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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